Parenting is one of the hardest jobs we’ll ever take on. Some of us are wrestling with angry pre-teens, others are grieving over prodigal adult children, and many are just trying to raise their kids in a way that points them toward Jesus. It’s overwhelming at times. 

But here’s some encouragement: your kids’ success doesn’t primarily hinge on how much money you make, what vacations you take, what school they attend, or even what parenting strategy you use. The biggest factor is you—your character, your integrity, your walk with God. 

Why Who You Are Matters More Than What You Do 

Research shows that kids who grow up attending church and seeing faith lived out at home are far less likely to struggle with depression, substance abuse, or destructive behaviors later in life. But even beyond statistics, Scripture makes this clear. 

Before the Bible ever gives instructions to children, it speaks to husbands and wives: “Husbands, love your wives… Wives, respect your husbands” (Ephesians 5). Only after that does Paul address children and parents. The pattern is consistent: it starts with us. 

Our kids don’t just listen to what we say—they imitate who we are. Psychologists agree: children mirror the character of their parents far more than they follow rules or discipline methods. That’s both humbling and freeing. 

Character Is the Foundation 

Think of the Great Wall of China. It was built to keep invaders out, but it failed—not because the wall was weak, but because the gatekeepers were bribed. The lesson? External defenses are meaningless if internal character is lacking. 

In the same way, we can pour energy into giving our kids opportunities, education, and experiences—but if we neglect to build character (in ourselves first), we miss the mark. 

“If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is something that could better be changed in ourselves.” – Carl Jung 

“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” – Clarence Budington Kelland 

So What Do We Do? 

The most relevant parenting question isn’t “What technique should I use?” but “Who am I?” 

This week, try this exercise: 

• If your child grew up to act exactly like you, what kind of person would they be?
  • How would they treat others?
  • What would they value? 
  • What would their relationship with God look like? 

Don’t use these questions to feel guilty—use them to invite God’s grace to transform you. 

Application 

• Do a character audit. Set aside 15 minutes with God (and with your spouse if married) and ask those questions honestly.
  • Prioritize your relationships in order: your walk with God first, then your marriage, then your kids.
     – If married: put your marriage before your kids. It models stability and healthy relationships. 
     – If single: lean into your relationship with God, and let your children see faith in action. 

The Bottom Line 

Parenting is more about being than doing. You don’t have to be perfect, but you do need to be real. When your kids see your faith lived out with integrity, it makes God real to them, too. 

“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are His dear children.” — Ephesians 5:1